Lessons on Suffering (learned the hard way)

Cru friends,

The last month or two have been really hard for me (Jon). My girlfriend, whom God brought into my life in a crazy, chick-flick kind of way, has been battling cancer and radiation treatment-related health issues. It has been a roller coaster ride of good news and bad news, with concerns about her survival. The struggle, I'm afraid, isn't over-- I'll know more soon, but as of the time of this writing, there are still problems, questions, and decisions looming.

First, I want to apologize if I've seemed aloof or unfriendly recently. It's been very difficult for me to engage in 'small talk'. In those situations, I feel like I'm forced to choose between lying about how I'm doing or bringing an abrupt, awkward end to the conversation. But I do realize that conversations, including small talk ones, are important, and I'm going to try to forge ahead in the future with both honesty and tact. Thank you for showing understanding and grace to me in these areas.

Second, I'd like to share some of what I'm learning in this process. If you haven't faced significant suffering yet, you will. It's just a part of life in this broken, fallen world. Hopefully, some of these thoughts can help you when those times come:

The passage of Scripture that most shapes my framework for understanding the hardships in my life is the second half of Romans 8:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose... He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all-- how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?... For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 

The beginning of the passage (v. 28) reveals to me two important facts about God and my suffering: as an omnipotent God, He is able to use all the circumstances of my life however He wants, and as a caring God, He chooses to use the circumstances of my life for good.

Now, in the midst of turmoil, the first fact is not hard to grasp. I am powerless to control my girlfriend's tumors (or her health in general). This reminds me of how powerless I am to control almost anything. It is God, not I, who holds the world in His hands. The second reality-- His goodness-- has been the truth that's difficult for my heart to accept.

But Paul, knowing his readers might be in the hardships of persecution, speaks straight to the core of this pain and doubt! He points (v. 32) to the truest and clearest picture of God's love for us: the fact that He 'did not spare His own Son'! In light of this, Paul argues, surely He has good eternal plans for us (to 'give us all things'). This love God has for us is so powerful and vast that Paul uses the strongest imagery he can find (v. 38-39) to illustrate that we'll never be separated from it. No matter how painful our suffering, we'll never be separated from His love.

Now, this framework unfortunately doesn't answer all my specific questions. When my soul cries out that oft-repeated human lament, "Why, God, why?", all I concretely have are guiding principles and a framework. But those true principles provide sweet comfort to my heart-- Whatever happens to my girlfriend, I am able to trust that God can use it, that He will use it ultimately for good, and that He loves me.

As for how and why He uses bad things to bring about good results, I can only marvel at His incredible wisdom. He's been working in the world this way for all of human history. As Joseph said to his brothers about their selling him into slavery out of jealousy: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50:20).

As I choose to believe what the Bible says about God's role in my suffering instead of the lies my emotions tell me, I am free to accept His love and look for opportunities to learn and grow. I hope that if (read: when) trials come your way, you'll make that choice with me.

Jon