A few weeks ago Maria and I decided to watch the movie version of Rent, more her idea than mine - I generally think musicals are dreadful. But I gave it a shot. And it wasn't half-bad, I actually enjoyed it by the end.
If you've ever seen the show or movie, you know that the story revolves around a group of bohemian artists and their life struggles, including the struggle to pay their rent. Hence the title - clever. These people have some very gritty and very real struggles. There is a gay couple, one of whom is a drag queen slowly dying of AIDS. There is a sort of love triangle between a guy, his ex-girlfriend, and her new female lover. There is an exotic dancer who becomes a drug addict and nearly kills herself by overdose. There is her desired beau, an aspiring musician who can't complete a song and is a former junkie himself. The movie follows a year in their lives and the difficulties and triumphs that transpire.
During the first half of the movie, I found myself having a very hard time caring for the people in the movie. It was easy to be judgmental - they'd essentially dug their own graves by careless, rebellious choices and stupid behavior. They were getting what they deserved - AIDS was a product of sexual promiscuity, drug abuse and overdose a product of bad choices, the trouble with the law and the poverty they lived in was a product of their own rebellion and nonconformity. These were my thoughts and I took a very condescending eye toward them. How very black my heart can be.
Then, somewhere in the middle of the movie, a gripping realization dawned on me. The thought rippled across my brain: I am no different than these people on the inside. My sin is just as great, my rebellion against God just as deep, my brokenness just as real. I've dug my own grave, I'm responsible for the pain and brokenness my sin causes. I may not display it as outwardly, but I am no more deserving of grace or love than anyone, even the most vile looking person. And God looked on me with the deepest love, grace, and compassion, and gave His life for me, and for everyone.
These thoughts convicted me deeply and showed how uncompassionate and uncaring I can be, how pharisaical I often am. In fact, my sin - the hidden sins of pride and judgment - may even be greater, because it's so insidious and easy to conceal. It may not appear this way, but it's possible that those who's sin is more outward and visible have a more whole heart, or at least a heart more receptive to the gracious love of God, while those whose sin is internal and hidden are more unreceptive because of pride and self-righteousness.
The first thing Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount is, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Mt 5:3) Poverty in spirit can be described as humility, the recognition that the state of your soul is lowly and needy. Just as the materially poor are more dependent on God for provision, the poor in spirit recognize their dependence on God for grace, mercy, and every need they have. People who live like this more readily accept the grace of God - they aren't reliant on self-righteousness or performance to earn them a place before God, as if any performance or works could. So they inherit the kingdom of heaven by humbly accepting the grace of God offered in Christ.
But people who can hide their sin and who are more outwardly righteous have a tendency to have a proud heart, and are less responsive to grace. They compare and put themselves above others, using outward actions as a measuring stick. They, often subtly or even subconsciously, rely on their works to give them the feeling that God cares for and blesses them. They often appear religious and righteous, but the reality of their soul is that it's just as needy and just as lowly as anyone. How often I fall into this category!
Jesus reserved some of his harshest criticism for people like this - the Pharisees and religious leaders. Matthew 23 is one particularly biting soliloquy given to the proud religious leadership.
The reality is that we are all equally undeserving of God's exceedingly abundant grace and love. Romans 3:10-11, quoting Psalm 14, says, "No one is righteous, no, not one; no one understands, no one seeks for God." We have no basis for comparison and judgment based on external righteousness (or unrighteousness) - we have no righteousness through which to compare! But God lavishes His love on us through Jesus, who paid the insurmountable debt owed by our sin and exchanges His perfect righteousness to us. Ephesians 1:3-14 eloquently describes this extravagant love given as a gift of grace.
Sometimes it takes something as strange as the movie version of Rent to hammer this truth deep into our hearts. I'm glad God did that for me. The harder part is living it out daily and continuing to see those old habits break.
And it motivated me too - to reach out to and love people who are easily looked upon as unlovable. These are the types of people Jesus hung out with. He said He came "to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10) He graciously gives us the privilege of joining Him. On the college campus, there are lots of people who are hard to love - social outcasts, goths, geeks, people of a different sexual orientation, etc. Instead of judging or looking down on them, we should realize that we're just as broken, that God loved us and saved us, and love everyone with the same love that was given us by Christ.
Let's do it.
--Jason
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